I made an idiotic mistake.
And the worst thing was that I insisted upon it when I didn't really do that much calculation myself. It was simple to prove wrong... but it seemed to be one of those things that people never really carefully consider... you know... where there can be overlooked commonly made mistakes. Actually, I planned on doing the math and proving the idea *right* but I didn't because the guy that was arguing with me seemed to think I was onto something. So I sort of accepted that it was right... bad idea that was.
I feel REALLY foolish. I was really way too arrogant. But I owned up to my mistake. Argh, I lost face. Aw well...
Well, I suppose I won't know whether I really lost face until later.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Set aside hate
Need to set aside the hate.
The type I'm facing is particularly pernicious. God, it's just this thing which someone that used to be very close to me said. What I said to her might have been offensive as well... but I was holding myself back and I couldn't help it! I had to say something. I felt obligated to as a decent human being. Really, I wasn't trying to be offensive.
But she might not have realized how much that affected me. Yeah, it was a few months later when the feeling really hit me. But now it feels as if I can't do anything anymore. My mind is completely preoccupied with this thing... the destruction of my identity. I feel ashamed of my family and where I came from. I feel ashamed about the people that I love and the people who loved me. I feel ashamed of myself. I have no idea what is good/bad anymore... and it's not like someone needs to show me what's right and what's wrong, it's just that so many things I thought were right turned out to be wrong. i don't know where to go or what to do. and i feel certain people hate me and they are just hiding the fact from me.
yeah, i suppose i'm in kind of a dark place
The type I'm facing is particularly pernicious. God, it's just this thing which someone that used to be very close to me said. What I said to her might have been offensive as well... but I was holding myself back and I couldn't help it! I had to say something. I felt obligated to as a decent human being. Really, I wasn't trying to be offensive.
But she might not have realized how much that affected me. Yeah, it was a few months later when the feeling really hit me. But now it feels as if I can't do anything anymore. My mind is completely preoccupied with this thing... the destruction of my identity. I feel ashamed of my family and where I came from. I feel ashamed about the people that I love and the people who loved me. I feel ashamed of myself. I have no idea what is good/bad anymore... and it's not like someone needs to show me what's right and what's wrong, it's just that so many things I thought were right turned out to be wrong. i don't know where to go or what to do. and i feel certain people hate me and they are just hiding the fact from me.
yeah, i suppose i'm in kind of a dark place
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