Flossin' at the club

First, let me just put it out there: I'm not the most outgoing type. But I don't necessarily believe extroversion is better than introversion... a fact that that makes me a minority (people who believe introversion might be a good trait) among minorities (people who are introverts). Seriously, most introverts whine and moan about being shy and not being "sociable" like introversion is a disease. I'm the type of person that wants to get in the world's face and yell "fuck being sociable. fuck 'having a good time.' i'm under so much pressure to say anything that what will come out of my mouth will likely be idiotic drivel and... i won't 'have a good time.' why can't i just hang back, observe people, and chill? I'm not hurting anyone. And if I feel I have something inordinately interesting to say, I won't be afraid to say it." What pisses me off about clubs is everything about clubs. For men, it's a losing game. In game theory terms, it would be described as a non-zero sum game where the (male) participants aggregate losses and gains are less than zero. I think my points are best illustrated by delving into 2 examples:

Example 1. I'm hitched. I go to the club with my significant other because she wants to. After making some run of the mill conversation, her dancing all around me and obviously much more enthusiastic than I am, we move to the dance floor. I'm trying to enjoy myself and get into the music (which is not my favorite). Within no time, I find 5 girls dancing around me, all 9s or 10s, and while I'm flattered I'm also hitched. So I try my best to go "seriously, thanks for the attention... I honestly thought you were out of my league, but... I've got a girlfriend and so would you kindly stop trying to hump me?" Meanwhile, I'm wondering whether my significant other is rebuffing advances with similar expediency and trying not to look too cool because I don't want to upstage her. Then I think about how this never happens when I'm single. Go figure. Girls only want what they can't have. Not that similar accusations haven't been leveled at me.

So you might protest at this point and demand proof that these girls were actually being so scandalous. That they weren't just interested in "fun" and were drawn to me because I seemed to be enjoying myself (interestingly, at the time my ex accused me of NOT enjoying myself). Well, although I'll admit that I don't specifically remember anyone exploring my nether regions, my feeling about the situation was that it involved more than girls wanting to have innocent "fun." And, there have been other similar situations that demonstrate the "girls only want what they can't have" principle and I can give much more detailed descriptions of these events if necessary. Anyway, I'm left feeling awkward and confused and not "having a good time." There are several factors that contribute to these feelings: 1. I'm trying to seem like I'm having fun so that my gf would be happy. 2. I'm worried she might have decided to look for greener pastures. I don't want to appear to be looking for greener pastures either. 3. I'm trying to extricate myself from situations that might make my gf jealous. This is hard to while trying not to be a wet blanket. After all, I might just want to keep my options open in case she has decided to look for greener pastures.

I'd like to think that chicks dig me cause I'm just cool like that, but the truth is it's probably the fact that I came with female attention and again, girls only want what they can't have. So I don't even get an ego boost, just a reaffirmation of my cynical worldview.

Example 2. I'm single. I go to a club with my friend because I can't think of anything better to do (sad, but true). My friend is a little drunk. We make conversation which which is mostly yelled like this: "So, we're going to a strip club at midnight?!"... "It depends. If the club fills up by 11:45 then we'll go at 12:30, but otherwise we'll go at 11:45!" I think to myself that at this point I'm already looking too desperate for any girl to be within about 8 feet of me, but I'm not 100% sure about that and want to believe that this isn't true. Maybe they didn't hear us over the loud music (there were breaks in the music, so they probably did). So at around 11:30 me and my friend retire to the dance floor and I try not to look uncool. I'm nodding my head to the beat making some limited movement back and forth... just trying to get loose and take in the scene. Maybe I'll put out a few moves and surprise myself if I feel into it enough. My friend is going all around the place talking to randoms and delighted that girls reveal their names to him. I see a girl that reminded me of someone else I dated, only less attractive. I'm not really interested but my friend thinks I should be. Because he noticed I looked at her. Meanwhile I think to myself "god, i really can't get into this scene." Anyway, when your friend goads you to approach a girl, it makes you look like you lack testicular fortitude and it makes you look desperate. Fast forward: My friend involves himself in some of this girl's business and I thought it funny. I'm naturally very curious and I had to know what her take on the matter was. So, having seen her go outside I go find her and her friend. I overhear bits of the conversation: "...let's go talk to Adam." Being polite I let her go talk to Adam and I decided to get some air anyway since it is nice outside and I'm there. Anyway, a sliver of my attention remains on this girl. I note that Adam isn't there so I go up to her and say "my friend was the one in the picture you took..." and she gives me this leer and says exasperatedly "can't you see we don't want to talk to you..." I'm a little surprised because I wasn't even trying to hit on her, I personally think that I'm too good for her anyhow, and I've never been ignored to the point that people don't even want to talk to me. Anyway, dear belle of the ball, if you read this then I've got 3 thoughts: 1. You might think I'm slow on the uptake, but chances are me and my friend are the smartest guys you'll meet at that place. And our pockets are deepest too. 2. I've pulled much more attractive and interesting birds than you. 3. seriously, fuck you bitch.

Now, I imagine you protesting again. This girl wasn't trying to meet guys... she was just there to have "fun." And then when I latched onto her, she was desperately trying to get away... and all chances of fun being had were ruined! What is this "fun" that has been repeatedly mentioned? Well, we know it's something you might find at a club and something that's worth the club membership and maybe a cover charge as well. It also has to be worth fending off unwanted advances and ogling. We consider that it is possible to play loud music and dance with your friends at your place of residence. We consider that it is possible to buy alcohol and take it home with you. So, maybe it is the fact that alcohol is free if you get a guy to buy it for you! But, that would have to be 4 drinks or more, because the money saved has to be equal or greater than the cover charge (alcohol at the supermarket is cheap). So we've ruled out alcohol, music and dancing with your friends (exclusively) as being what this "fun" is essentially composed of. You can save the cover charge by buying alcohol at the supermarket and dancing at home. What's left is dancing with other guys or girls, the attention you receive at the club... and maybe meeting guys (or girls, if you swing that way). There is not much to dancing better than the other guys at the club. From my observations, if you can keep the beat, you're ahead of the game. So, since I can keep the beat and make appropriate movements I'm ahead of the curve. So, here I am, an OK-to-good dancer (relatively speaking), and, as far as I can tell, not unattractive, talking to this girl who is, I'd say an 8.5. Why in the hell? She should be talking to me instead. But it really isn't like I latched onto her! Fuck, she was dancing relatively close to me on the dance floor and I was mostly just minding my own business. Sure, I might have looked at her and noted that she's slightly less attractive than a girl I dated. That doesn't necessarily mean anything. I just basically left her alone. Let me tell you this: when a girl is interested in you (either as a dancer or as a romantic partner), she will go out of her way to make things easy for you. Truth is, I wasn't "latching" on, she just wasn't interested.

To be fair, I've had a club experience where I did have fun at the time. But I was disappointed in the way it ended. Ending definitely could have gone better.

Anyway. I don't want to deal with more social rejection. I've had far too much of it already. And we were getting rejected left and right. It's not like I really cared that much what these bimbos thought, it's just that I wasn't drunk enough to have a good time crashing that party. But. Went to the strip club afterwards. Felt much calmer. It was the first time we actually paid to get in. And it was the first time I got a lap dance. I'm OK with the fact that they only show interest in me cause I'm giving them money. Because this is probably the only place in the world where the gender roles are reversed. It's nice to be the rejecter and to have girls go to great lengths to please you (not the other way around). A girl doesn't even need to show interest, all I need is for her to be hot and naked. And it's not objectification... there were quite a few discussions with the strippers about their life aspirations (yeah, actually one of them was getting a MS in social work). Point being... we men don't view strippers as sex objects (and not people) just because they're strippers.

On a related line of thought: I feel like I understand the tension between the sexes better. When a guy behaves a particular way, those traits are projected on all males. Females behave as if though all guys are a particular way, and males then react to females' eccentric behavior as if though all females behave that way. I don't know which gender started this projecting. All I know is I can be a part of the solution.